Romans 15.4-13 Living in Harmony

Most of us are born with two hands, two feet, two legs, a mouth and a mind. We seek to do things for ourselves. It doesn’t take long for a newborn baby to figure out the source of where its milk comes from and try to grab hold of it and feed itself. Whether that be a breast or a bottle, their tiny little hands will grab and pull and tug and fight to do it their way. This is quickly followed by they’ll want to put on their own clothes, tie their own shoes, assemble their own outfits, brush their own hair and teeth.

Granted, it may feel like these things seem to fall to the wayside once in a while but the reality is, their mouth just kicked in to voice the opinion their autonomous mind just started to believe is correct. After all, should it not be my choice if I want to brush my teeth? My choice if I want to brush my own hair? My choice if I want to wear underwear or matching shoes? How long did it take Adam and Eve to determine they should be able to judge right from wrong and not rely on God for it? Not long.

Autonomy is human nature. We seek independence. We want to do our own thing, our own way, in our own time. And quite honestly, America might be the worst. This concept of independence has gotten completely out of hand. If I want to wear the same clothes for a week straight that doesn’t affect you at all does it? Of course not, if I don’t care that you find my odor offensive. And if I don’t ever want to brush my teeth? Who doesn’t want to chat up someone with rotting teeth and halitosis that could knock out a cow?

I can live on my own, in my own house, away from all other people and then none of you have to worry or care about the flies swarming around me. I can do it myself.

Autonomy is not bad in itself. You do after all have two hands, two feet, two legs, a mouth, and a mind that you need to use. But you need to use them for more than just yourself.

Acts 20:35 states “In all this I have given you an example that by such work we must support the weak, remembering the words of the Lord Jesus, for he himself said “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

The most common interpretation of this passage is that the strong should support the weak. So, in order to be strong, we must be givers, not receivers. This seems like a sound interpretation, does it not? Jesus washes the feet of his disciples after all. But… are we?

I have this idea for a children’s message to make people cry. Choose a child in advance to do a skit with you. This is important because you don’t hurt actually their feelings. The skit is simple. An adult comes out and gives a present to a child. The child acts all excited as if it is the best thing in the world. The adult says, “I’m so glad you like it. I feel so blessed when I see you happy.”

The child then very enthusiastically says “I have a gift for you, too! Let me go get it!”

“Oh no,” the adult replies. “I don’t need anything in return. It is enough for me to be able to give. I expect nothing back.”

The child then starts looking dejected. “But, I made it just for you.”

“I already have everything I need. I appreciate your thoughts. Keep it for yourself. My happiness is in the giving, not the receiving.” The adult then walks off and leaves the child, who goes and picks up the gift they were going to give to the adult and sets it down next to the one they received from the adult, then very sadly says, “I don’t think they get it. I want to know what it is like to give too.”

I’ve met a whole lot of bad gift receivers in my life. People who say, “I don’t need anything.” People who refuse to let you buy them a meal when you go out to eat together. People who refuse to use any gift they have been given. People who just cannot seem to figure out that they are not the center of the universe and in order for anyone to be able to give, they must also be able to receive. If you cannot receive, you cannot give. This was the lesson Jesus was trying to teach his disciples as he washed their feet.

We become so independent in our lives that we fail to see how our independence and self-reliance destroys what God did for us. Those who do not accept help. Deny God’s gift in others.

After the skit, the pastor comes out and gathers with the children, and he asks the child honestly, “Even though it was just a skit, how did it feel to have your gift denied?” If you are a truly evil leader, you could ask a child if this has ever happened to them, but hopefully their parents are sitting there feeling guilty enough that they don’t need their little child to voice in front of the entire congregation their inequity.

This children’s message then goes on as the pastor talks to children about gifts from God. There’s the obvious, his son Jesus Christ, but there is also us. “Are you a gift from God?” Every time we deny an act of kindness or generosity from someone, we are denying them the pleasure of being blessed by giving and we are denying them as a gift from God. Every time we say we do not need their help, we are denying them the talents and capabilities God has given them. “Has anyone ever offered to help you with something and you turned them down because you can do it yourself?”

Children as Jesus has so readily pointed out to us, are the least of these, the little ones, the pure, the innocent. Their tiny voices of honesty, driving nails into the coffins of the adults in the room send a powerful message about autonomy and self-reliance. “Let me help. Not because you need it. Let me help because you love me. Receive my gift with the graciousness and purity of a child at Christmas because I am God’s gift to you. Do not deny me as Peter denied Jesus.”

Just because most of us are no longer children, does not mean it does not hurt our feelings when you do not receive what we have to give.

The “I can do it on my own” attitude devalues the one whose help has been turned down. If you have children, remember what it felt like when your child pushed you away and insisted on tying their own shoes, on the wrong feet. How strongly you wanted them to do them “right.” All of you who have to rearrange the Christmas tree after your child doesn’t decorate it correctly because the ornaments are all bunched up and there are bare spots. Think for a moment about the child in this skit and how they felt when you turned down their gifts. When you determined what they had to offer wasn’t good enough for you.

I bet God feels like this every day. How many people deny the gift of salvation represented through Jesus Christ? How many people deny forgiveness? How many people deny the gift God has given us through other people in the world? How many times every single day are the gifts God is trying to give us through someone else in this world, declined because we think we don’t “need” it? We can do it ourselves right? Or even worse, We think we can do it better than you. If you do it, you will do it wrong and I’ll just have to fix it when you’re done. You can’t afford to buy me lunch.

It is better to give than to receive. But what are you doing when you deny someone else the ability to do that too? Everything is about balance. It isn’t just about giving. It is also about graciously, whole-heartedly, enthusiastically, and honestly receiving. If you think it is belittling to receive something, how do you think you’re making the other person feel when you do it to them? Your autonomy and your independence should not infringe upon someone else’s autonomy and independence. It should not come at their expense.

What do you think you are teaching a child when you deny their gift, when you deny their help? I’ll tell you what you’re teaching them, that they’re not good enough. That what they have is not good enough. That they do not have value. You are teaching them that what you have is better. That is not a lesson you should be teaching a child or an adult.

The lesson we are supposed to teach one another is humility, and we do that by giving the blessing to them rather than receiving it ourselves. Only by allowing them to experience the blessing of giving will we also receive it. Each is to give what they have, what they can afford, what they have been blessed with. Do you think God is going to turn down the gift of a child? Do you think God rejected the poor widow’s coin when she offered her last one? Do you really think God said to her, “Oh, no, I don’t need it, you can’t afford it.” We don’t get to find out what happened after she left but I am quite confident she received everything she could ever need from God. I am certain she was truly blessed for giving and I surely hope she received when God gave back to her.

“The root of Jesse shall come, the one who rises to rule the gentiles; in him the gentiles shall hope.” I know it’s hard, but we have to start looking at those who lead us as gifts being sent from God that we need to accept. Our failure to do this is what has gotten us to where we are today. We stopped looking for the God chosen candidate. We failed to follow them when we saw them. We are the ones who for several generations now have denied God’s gift of authority over us and because of that we are not finding hope in them.

By denying the gift of God’s children, big and small, young and old, we are denying God’s hope. We are refusing to accept the gift of hope. The gift of community. The gift of unity. The gift of love and devotion. We are trying to take it all ourselves and have forgotten as a people that hope comes through others, not us. It comes from receiving what all have to offer and contribute so that all may receive the gift of giving through receiving.

We are autonomous. We are independent. Because we all have different things to give, and we all must give them. So this Christmas, receive the gift of God, not just try to give it to others. Give too, don’t be weird, but receive just as graciously as you give. For some of you, I know that is going to be a challenge because you’re already grumbling about Christmas shopping, and wrapping, and don’t want people giving you crap you don’t need. Tough luck. God thinks you need it if for no other reason than to humble your arrogant ass.

Use what is offered to you. If someone offers to help you back or deliver Christmas cookies, accept it. Someone offers to help you string lights; accept it. Someone gives you a fruit cake, accept it. Believe it or not, there are actually good fruit cakes out there. You never know, the odds might not be in your favor, but the most amazing fruitcake in the world could have just landed on your doorstep, and you won’t know until you try it.

Think about the giver as a small child offering you something they spent much time and love crafting. Think about them as the widow giving their last coin. Think about them as being a gift from God and the deliverer of a gift from God. Give them the blessing of being a giver, don’t just be one yourself. From my personal experience, someone who gives but does not receive is not a blessing at all. Bless others not yourself.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.